SEX IN THE HOSPITAL CALL ROOM.

Hmm, quite an interesting topic; you, reader, may have even fantasized about it. Grey’s Anatomy certainly makes a mid-shift romp look like a desirable activity that health care workers can easily engage in. With 12 scenes of an on-call sexual romp in that TV series, it’s not hard to see why this is hidden in the fantasies of many people, patients inclusive. But how frequent is it? Does it really happen? Is it fact or fiction?

There was a lot of sexual tension between two house officers, one in Obsterics and another in Paediatrics. They were both fine specimens and were visibly attracted to each other. It didn’t take long for the rumors to spread that they were getting it on. One night, as I attended to my patient as a student in the Obstetric department, I heard strange sounds and giggles. I was curious, so I positioned myself by the door, just adjacent to the call-room, hoping to see something that I can tell my colleagues as ‘spicy gist’. The door swung open, 15 minutes later and the male doctor hurriedly paced out of the room as if to attend to an urgent page. I saw a glimpse of the female and the hair looked quite rough. Had the deed been done? Unfortunately, that was all the information I could gather that night, but it definitely left an impression. It was possible, at least in the rickety and often under-decorated call rooms of the Nigerian teaching hospital.

‘This definitely happened, two people got it on in the call room of one of the departments where I did my internship’ or so the rumor went. As an intern who had slept in those call rooms myself, I was skeptical. When I was a student I entertained the possibility, but now I was certain that it was nearly impossible. You see, the call rooms of teaching hospitals are often ill-designed, with faulty locks and beds laden with bed bugs. The toilets are often smelly and the netless windows leave the doctors vulnerable to mosquito bites. No one would be crazy enough to have a romp while on duty, do despite the evidenced tension between the two rumored participants, I found it hard to believe. What was common, however, was the fluid-laden rendezvous between these workers when they were not on duty.

Two interns, a doctor and a nurse had so much passionate sex near the wards that the loud and passionate moans disturbed the patients. This was the case in a local Tanzanian hospital. They were reported by the patient, however, and both interns got suspended. A fair price to pay for salvation isn’t it. This gives credence to my suspicion that perhaps, people do engage in call room shenanigans. Maybe even you, reader, may have found yourself on the giving/receiving end on one of those late-night call duties.

There is no better place to fish for real-life stories like Reddit, where the ugliest of truths can be posted under the cover of anonymity. So for your viewing pleasure, I will post excerpts of two real-life call room rendezvous.

STORY 1.

‘So my Gf and I are 4th year medical students on the East Coast, and for the first time, we happen to have the same schedule at work, and have always wanted to try to hook up at the hospital.

Naturally, the best time to do this was late at night while we were working an overnight shift since there would be a chance we’d have downtime, there’s way fewer people around, and we’d actually get a chance to enjoy ourselves.

It’s now 1 am and we finally had a chance to get some sleep, aka go find a place where we can do the deed. I thought to myself, what is the quietest, emptiest call room where there likely won’t be many people walking around and other members of the hospital staff would definitely not be around. Brilliant idea: the geriatrics floor would definitely be the perfect place, most of these patients slept thru the night and the call room on that floor would be empty.

We quickly made our way there and just like I expected, the call room was empty so we took off our scrubs and put them by the door, and started to make the magic happen. About 10 minutes later we heard a knock, and quickly got under the sheets, I panicked, if anyone were to catch us we would be reprimanded and definitely be the laughing stock of everyone we knew.

The door opens, and there’s a lady who opens the door, and we quickly got under the sheets in separate beds, pretending to be sleeping, but completely naked. She leaves in less than 10 seconds, and I was like thank god. My gf was chuckling, but then I realized why she left so quickly — she took our scrubs, and every other piece of clothing we left in a pile by the door.

Now she freaked out. There were definitely no scrubs in the call room and I knew the Stock Room on this floor was 2 hallways down, past a few patient rooms and close to the nurse station. I have to crawl and make sure that no one sees me. Adrenaline had kicked in at this point and I knew we had no options, we had to get back to our floor in 15 minutes or so.

I crawled, butt ass naked, and hoped that no one saw me. I made it down one hallway, but then the second I turned to the other hallway a patient’s room was wide open, his face was looking right at me. We were both appalled, and I made the shhh gesture to him, hoping he wouldn’t hit the nurses' call button. That old man didn’t give a shit, and he hit that button without any mercy. I freaked the fuck out.

An old nurse was making her way around the corner and I knew she saw me because at that instant she screamed. I made a beeline for the patient’s room, put on an extra gown, apologized profusely to both the patient and the nurse, and begged them not to tell anyone.

The nurse asked me wtf I was doing, what my name was, etc. I couldn’t lie. I told her my GF and I were in the call room, about to sleep, and the cleaning staff took our scrubs. She laughed and said that this was the first time someone was crawling in the hallway, and next time I should just call them for a fresh set of scrubs instead of scaring patients with my member flying around.

Today was my first day back since this happened on Sunday and thankfully the patient was gone. I brought a box of pastries and coffee for the nurses' station, and that nurse gives me a creepy smile every time I walked by her.’

STORY 2

‘Last month I was sexting with a second-year surgery resident and he convinced me to sneak into the hospital and call room to do the deed with him while he was on duty. He didn’t get any calls while I was there but I don’t know if he told anyone. I’ve really fallen for him and I found out he’s also been seeing an ER nurse. She obviously thinks she’s his GF and has been posting pics of them on her FB. I really want to (anonymously!) report myself to another second-year res who’s a good friend with the nurse’

A thrilling read right? Well, that’s where we are going to leave it today. I would very much love to do a part 2, but with real-life Nigerian stories lol. If you have one, kindly send me a DM on my Twitter account @damilola_md

Now, I would very much love your response? What do you think?

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