Going against the lustful chase of women, by men.
Permit me to stop you here. Unlike other articles, I’m not certain there is something to gain or lose after reading this. I’m not sure there is any benefit to digesting this article, and if at all, this content may infuriate you. Really, it would be wise of you to stop. Nevertheless, If you’re interested in catching a glimpse of one of the unpopular thoughts orbiting my mind, feel free to read on.
Have I always been emotionally lazy? Or am I simply a non-conformist, refusing to accept the status quo, and hoping for things to be more rational and without sentiments? More often than none, I’d usually question the genesis of my thoughts and why they are so different from others. This time, however, logic lies gracefully by my side. This time, my thoughts pan towards the conventional relationship formalities, and my grievance towards it.
Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, and the boy begins to constantly initiate a conversation through every media imaginable, calls, texts, showering with words, letters, gifts, finances, until by some miracle, she begins to reciprocate the same feeling. It is this idea, since the creation of time that has invariably led to the exploitation of both sexes. You have probably experienced it, heard about it, and been either on the giving end or the receiving end.
In conventional relationships, it can be likened to a high-speed race, with the man as the car and the woman as the finish line. The key to winning this kind of racy drive is to have enough fuel to burn. The fuel, in this case, can be represented by time, affection, money, and other trivialities all of which is expended in the course of the highly-contested chase. It’s the system that’s been on for generations, taught by families and discussed amongst peers time and time again. Secondary school periods and colleges are when such decisions take hold, the male doing all sorts to get her attention and continually looking for ways to impress her.
It’s a natural thing, you see, not necessarily a generational thing. ‘Survival of the fittest’ the scientists call it. The male peacock spreads its feathers to flaunt its asset in a bid to attract a mate. Birds expend their energy with mating dances and rituals and apes simply have to be the strongest or the smartest of the pack to clinch the attention of the primed ladies. If humans truly evolved from these animals, then it makes sense that our ‘id’, the basest of instincts would follow suit. It is not a one-way idea definitely, as a lot of women also think the same way. Many ladies find it hard to actively chase men, they believe it is the other way. They do the ‘attracting’, they deserve to be chased. I have often had conversations with females who have the faux belief that they only have the option of ‘choosing’ from whoever comes to ‘toast’ them. The option of chasing men is alien, foreign, and perhaps a ‘taboo’ to their very mindset.
But I do not agree.
I’ve tried it; I’ve had to and I was taught to, whether directly or indirectly. Each time I had to do it, I cringed. While I have no intention of changing the system that has guided us for eons, I have absolutely no intention of following it either. Why should I have to pursue a lady to the ends of the earth simply because I like her? Even if it works out, my core spirit would never agree with it. Sometimes, however, I try it out for the fun of it; I know it would never lead anywhere, and as such, the only resource I would ever waste in this venture is the time that would have been lost to boredom.
But that creates an existential problem, doesn’t it?
It means I may never be able to get with someone I like from afar, and rightfully so. Afterall, I’m not willing to put in the work. ‘When you find someone you like…’ is often the response people give, but they fail to realize how fickle the concept of attraction is.
I wrestled with this singular disadvantage for so long, till I realized something. Looking back, for some of the ladies I had a thing or the other with (and it never worked out for one reason or the other it was really vibing), I didn’t have to chase them nor blow trumpets for them on their special days and whatnot. Sure I made the first contact, but there was just pure unsolicited vibes, and I didn’t know, nor did I have the slightest chance that such attraction cum intimacy was coming, be it a fling or a relationship.
Amongst the few times I expressed this crisis of choice, I came across a few recurring recommendations. ‘I’ll find someone that is worth it’ was the most common recommendation. I thought for a while and the questions came in droves. How do I know who is worth it, and who isn’t? Who is worth me constantly sending texts, love, and gifts till I can eventually get her to be mine or at least reciprocate something similar? I thought, and I thought, and in all honesty, I could not find an answer. But something close would be that ‘someone who was worth it would be willing to do the same thing to get me from the get-go’.
And that let me glimpse at the answer, even if I’m still yet to grasp the wholeness of it. For this, I have to depend on fate, time, and chance to lead me to such a person. I sometimes envy the overly religious brethren who both see each other in dreams and marry each other instantaneously. Or those in arranged marriages who do not have to deal with the trivialities of choice. The closest thing in reality to what I expressly desire are long-term friends who just feel the click to be something more without any prior knowledge, lust or prompting. No chase, no spending, no tension, no rejections, just a flow as calm as the evening tide along the coastline of a hypothetical ‘Santa Monica’.
This thought goes in tandem with my personal understanding to not be moved by the trivialities of the flesh nor sultry material. This effectively stops me from going out of my way to initiate contact with the express desire of lust; thus, allowing me to give priority to the spheres of life that truly matter.
I’m going against human nature, with nothing but my naïve mind.
Feel free to also express your supporting and countering comments, and I’ll respond to them.